The Land of Freedom...?

I am not afraid of death; it is inevitable. I am not particularly afraid of public speaking; it's got to be done.
I am afraid of divorce and of making the wrong decisions.
And I am most definitely afraid of snakes and spiders.

But I think, above all, my biggest fear is having free time.

That probably sounds really stupid ...but I can't help but like being busy. I like getting things done and being made to get things done in a certain time period. If I am left with time on my hands, I inevitably end up sitting in front of this very screen, scrolling through websites that don't contribute much to my overall life goals. I want to be productive. I want to learn. I want to be awesome. None of that will really happen if I just sit here. Being (and staying) motivated is like walking a tight-rope, and most of the time I need a little nudge to start walking that tight rope.

I am used to going to being at school every day, usually for seven or eight hours a day. I have to cram in practice time, gym time, meal time, and at the end of the school day, I go home and study at night. In the case of HSU, I also had to work on Saturday and Sunday at the Music Mart. I never had a ton of free time, my mind and body were continually working.

That is not the case here. I have two mandatory lectures a week. They are both on Tuesday.
I know that I must adapt like any smart person would, but I am having a difficult time dealing with this ... this free time is freaking me out!  

I am someone who needs a schedule - otherwise I will squander my day away, and I don't want that. I am here to learn. I am here to better myself. Therefore, I have made my own schedule, filling in enormous gaps during every single weekday. Gym time for roughly two hours in the morning, two hours of practice time every day, and two to four hours of library/study/reading time every day. I have decided to sit in on two courses that are not mandatory, and also take a five week crash course on reading Italian. There is orchestra on Tuesday nights, and brass band(s) on Wednesday and Friday nights. But this is not enough I'm telling you!

I still don't know what to do with my nights. Or my weekends. I could study scores? Be in a band (oooo, jazz!)? Cook extravagant meals with the cheap ingredients? Somehow find things to do with my non-existent friends that don't cost money?

Since Justin did his undergrad in the US and both his MA and PhD in the UK, I figured he would be the best person to voice my concerns to. I went to his office on Thursday, and we ended up talking for about two hours. He said that when he first got to the UK and didn't know what to do with all of his time, he watched a lot of Simpsons. But then he got used to doing his work during the day, and at night he'd play in bands and stuff like that. Sounds fair enough to me.

He also explained the difference between the 'teaching block' and the 'term'.  The teaching block is where you go to all your classes, ending in Dec. The term includes the teaching block, but extends until mid January. Our big assignments - 2 essays of 3000 to 5000 words, and a presentation and annotated bibliography - are due at the end of term - so we have the whole """break"""" to work on it. 

I am not okay with that - it's supposed to be a break, DUH!!

I don't have any exams or anything, so there isn't a whole lot that's keeping me from getting my papers and bibliography done by the end of term. I'm just going tell myself that the deadline is at the end of the teaching block, and maybe revise my work over the '"""break"""".  None of that procrastination stuff - I've already started my bibliography and done my readings for the week. I like doing work. I am excited about doing work. Yeah, as I've said, I am a nerd.

In the unit booklet for Readings, which outlines the topic for every week, there is an essay question. The essay question posed for this week was "How has the changing view of historiography effected the way music history was written in the 20th century?", and when we talked about it in class, our teacher was talking about answering the question in various ways. She was talking about answering it through a case study of a particular composer, or nation, or journal/publication. 

Now, if you were to give me that question, I would just straight answer it.... but  I've always taken those kind of questions literally, because that is the American way of doing it I believe. Now I have to learn to be more creative. Woah. We can choose any of those questions for our two essays, and chose to take these questions at any angle we want. (Granted, we have to get them approved by our tutors - but they are incredibly flexible).

I'm understanding why people say that there is more freedom here. 

This week I printed out my ballot for the US Presidential election, filled it out, and mailed it to the Humboldt County Elections Office. It made me quite proud really, to vote from another country. It was a kinda "Yeah, take that Queen Mother!" moment. I've never considered myself particularly patriotic, especially in the very right-wing context of Fortuna. But, being here makes me realize that it is very ingrained in me. 

F*** YEAH 'MURICA!